Thursday, January 13, 2011


I'm a pretty private person. I know; I know. But I have a public blog and share details of my life and blah, blah, blah. That's all true, but there's quite a bit that I hold in and keep to myself.

I sometimes wonder why that is, why it's in my nature to be quiet and reserved. It's not necessarily that I'm shy (sure, there's a bit of that around new people but I get over that fairly quickly). I don't think that would be an accurate depiction of who I am.

Much of it, I think, is just a matter of...hmm...I guess it's time to do some soul-searching.
  1. Trust. That, of course, is something that has to be earned. And I don't give it easily, but when I do, I give it wholeheartedly. Sure, I've been burned a couple of times. That just means I never trust that person again; it doesn't mean I give up on trusting everyone else.
  2. Observation. I like to hear what other people have to say, and I don't feel the need to monopolize a conversation. I think that listening is a lost art. I think most people wait to speak rather than hearing what other people have to say. Sure, there are times when I have an opinion that I'm going to share, but I'd rather hear people out and form new opinions and ideas based off of it.
  3. Respect. There are sometimes some pretty mean things that go through my head. Sarcastic, snide, and just nasty. Why would I say those things aloud or share that side of my personality? People always laugh and tell me that I'm so nice, that I don't have a mean bone in my body, etc. See how good I am at keeping aspects of my self hidden?
  4. Love. I wouldn't have the people around me feeling hurt because of me. That's not fair and not right. And I understand people and psychology enough to know that sharing certain aspects will hurt them. Not intentionally. But perception plays a heavy part in how we process information. I could say something innocent and it can be taken the wrong way. So, sometimes I hold stuff in so as not to be misperceived and so as not to cause hurt feelings.
I think that's the main part of it. Sometimes I wish I were different. In fact, I've tried to dip my toes in the waters of outspoken people over the past couple of months. I think even that little change has made too many waves.

People are used to the person that I portray and when I stray from that? It throws their world off-kilter.

I think it best to stick to the tried and true. For now.

1 comment:

  1. Such an interesting post Nichole! I can relate to most of it. I try to do more listening because I am such a talker and one of those who are guilty sometimes of waiting to speak. Hard to break old habits,lol. Just be yourself. That's all we can do. :)