I've said that many times over the past few years, but I just realized that those words aren't exactly the truth. It wasn't that I was lying as I said those words; I just didn't think about them as fully as I have tonight. To be more accurate, I should have said:
"This isn't what I want to be when I grow up." Or "I don't know how to be what I want to be when I grow up."
Sometimes there is a profound difference between doing what you want and doing the right thing. I know what I want to do, but I'm not willing to sacrifice the life I've built for my little family just to satisfy a selfish whim to fully engage in my hobbies rather than following the career path I set for myself. Some would tell me that I am cheating myself, but I think it's better to be disenchanted than to be homeless.
Still, I think I must better find ways to express my creativity. I've dabbled in this and that, but I think that it is time to focus.
Perhaps this is the start.