Saturday, September 24, 2011

iPhoneography Mission #4...And Why I Copped Out

Mission #4: Capture the opposite of a smile.

Funny how life works sometimes. I had the perfect opportunity this week to truly and completely fulfill this mission. And perhaps if I were a different person in my heart and soul, I would have taken full advantage of that situation. I'm glad I'm not that person.

Last Friday night, we lost one of our students, Sabrina, in a tragic car accident. I wasn't close to this student; she had been in my class two years ago and we still smiled and greeted each other in the hall, but she wasn't stopping by my classroom to visit me or anything. Still, the loss was hard. Every loss of a young life with promise and potential is hard.

Her funeral was on Wednesday, and that morning was somewhat surreal. I had duty at the front door of the school, which means that I act as a bouncer/greeter. I let faculty and students with good reason in; I direct visitors to the main office.

As I stood in the foyer of the high school, I looked out at the steps and saw Sabrina walking up them. I blinked, and it was another student. Perhaps the blond hair and my thoughts played a trick on my mind. But then it happened again. And again. And again. And when I went upstairs to monitor first period study hall, it happened again.

Perhaps I got to witness part of her farewell visit. I believe everyone who gets taken too soon gets to have a visit such as this...

Fare Thee Well in Elysium, Sabrina...

If I were a different person, a harder person, perhaps I would have taken pictures of grief. I would have been able to fulfill the mission tenfold.

But I'm not that person, a fact for which I am glad. So I copped out this week. Instead of fully delving into the mission, instead of stepping outside of my boundaries and meeting the challenge, I played it safe.

I think I made the right decision.

I started by recruiting my little guy. He loves to mug for the camera, so I thought this might be a perfect way to meet the mission. "Show me your sad face," I coaxed...

Um...yeah. He got to giggling and mugging so hard that he wasn't really frowning at all. And in my head, I thought that I should capture a picture of a frown, so I tried to fulfill the mission myself...

Meh...not bad but too lippy. Maybe another shot?

Good grief! What's the matter with me? I was just trying too hard and it just wasn't working.

So I regrouped. I've been playing with what I'm going to be for Halloween this year, and I decided to use the tools at hand to come up with something. I also decided not to be so literal. The opposite of a smile doesn't have to be an outright frown, after all!

I decided to try to bare my soul, to try to capture the inward sadness and anger and fear. It's not my way to be so open with those emotions, though, so I played dress up with makeup and my Halloween wig. It made it easier to capture those emotions, somehow...

The Ice is Thin

Underneath My Lucid Skin

I think these are the most raw pictures that I have ever taken of myself. Maybe I didn't cop out on this mission so much, after all...

1 comment:

  1. You definitely didn't cop out. I love both those images of you...just beautiful. So sad a loss...such a young soul. :(